My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
