There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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