ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The air taste purple.
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