Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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