if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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