Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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