she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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