Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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