I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
