what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Mom said you looked used
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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