Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
