U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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