i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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