they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
