my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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