Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
