The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
