I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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