I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Randomize
