No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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