Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
