clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
