nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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