i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
