Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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