what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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