just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
NoShamevember. You game?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
