You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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