remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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