Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
