Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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