I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You need Xanax blowdarts
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
