Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
