you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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