Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
