Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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