her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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