Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
