But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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