I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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