smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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