it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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