there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
