FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
