Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
