we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
