Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I need to calm my uterus...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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