Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
