Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
