I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
