So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
