Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
