Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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